I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
