I want to make a zoo with you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize