My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
