I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
A+ Viking dick
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
