Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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