It's Friday. Sex?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
