So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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