i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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