Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
