somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That accounts for only three of the penises
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
