I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
