Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
NoShamevember. You game?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
