cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize