And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
