Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
