I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize