so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
