i may or may not be watching the land before time
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
