We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize