Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
