I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
