this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
