im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
