my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
