I got chris browned last night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
