a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
