I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
