Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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