Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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