His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
