After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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