Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
