Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
