God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
