she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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