Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
