How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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