I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
