i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize