Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When did angry sex become our thing?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
