I feel like abortions should bother me more
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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