she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
