I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My legs feel like baby dolphins
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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