Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
