nut hugger
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
