I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
