Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
