My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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