I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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