I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
