I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
