finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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