I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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