Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
