After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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