The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
