What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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