It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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