Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
