He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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