Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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