I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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