I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
