Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize