if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
