Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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