Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
