normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i believe in u and ur pee
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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