Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
