he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
