Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
