She said her name was "party"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
