I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
