Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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