sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
