also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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