call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
