My first STD was from a foam party
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
