theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
