i just sent this text using only my big toe
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
