i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
