there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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