If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
