hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
