the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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