I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
