I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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