i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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