i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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