Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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