There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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