I just saw a hot homeless man
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize