Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
