the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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