I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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