I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
