Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize