i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
