I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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