those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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