I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
