I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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