wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
