Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You did what with his pubic hair?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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